Oh how I hate when someone says I’m not doing something just because they don’t see me doing it.
Or that I don’t feel some way, just because they don’t see/sense it.
The former upsets me greatly, as it is not based on emotional perception which can be interpreted in various ways. It grieves me so very much.
Decisions are a weak point, I make few that I’m fully conscious of. And recently, I made one ever so drastic, not necessarily negative, but it took almost all that I had to make it. I cannot say that I was wrong, I do not think I would ever say I was wrong. It hurt so bad then, it still does. But this is something I do not intend to let fall by the way. The same thing has re-occurred time and time again, I just wasn’t going to have.
Perhaps its what I wanted or needed, but I wasn’t going to do it before I was ready, while I was still insecure and thinking and hoping at every moment that it won’t re-occurr. I’d cheat myself, and the other party. Its hard for me, the things that come with it, its difficult in social gatherings, but the world doesn’t even know anything has changed. It gets to me at the weirdest moment, but its always alright. It has to be.
Its no more a decision of what I can do with or without, its what I want to do with or not without. So either way the pendulum swings, it’ll be okay eventually.
Cheers.
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