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Archive for July, 2011

Meddlesome.


When you find out something utterly disturbing, and upsetting. Probably about yourself. What your (supposed)friend(s) has been saying or said ‘behind your back’, you boil with anger, and imagine how it could even be possible.
You begin to think of them as untrustworthy, and dishonest, and…. Hold up.
How did you find out? Chances are if someone didn’t tell you, you were going through their messages or something of the likes, and what does that make you? The same as the person, isn’t it? And if someone did tell you, chances are you might have been ‘gossiping/being gossiped to’ about the person. So what does that make you as well? The same huhn.

Don’t put sprinkle sand in your eyes or be quick to judge and pass ugly comments.

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Oh how I hate when someone says I’m not doing something just because they don’t see me doing it.

Or that I don’t feel some way, just because they don’t see/sense it.

The former upsets me greatly, as it is not based on emotional perception which can be interpreted in various ways. It grieves me so very much.

Decisions are a weak point, I make few that I’m fully conscious of. And recently, I made one ever so drastic, not necessarily negative, but it took almost all that I had to make it. I cannot say that I was wrong, I do not think I would ever say I was wrong. It hurt so bad then, it still does. But this is something I do not intend to let fall by the way. The same thing has re-occurred time and time again, I just wasn’t going to have.
Perhaps its what I wanted or needed, but I wasn’t going to do it before I was ready, while I was still insecure and thinking and hoping at every moment that it won’t re-occurr. I’d cheat myself, and the other party. Its hard for me, the things that come with it, its difficult in social gatherings, but the world doesn’t even know anything has changed. It gets to me at the weirdest moment, but its always alright. It has to be.
Its no more a decision of what I can do with or without, its what I want to do with or not without. So either way the pendulum swings, it’ll be okay eventually.
Cheers.

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There isnt


There is just no pleasing some people. Whether you’re trying to or not. And its like they don’t notice. They just jump on the little off moments, not facts or explanations needed.
This has to be one of the most terrible feelings.

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